And so it begins...

I didn't think I would be starting off my blog with the ugly side of mental health, but sometimes you have to start with the bad in order to appreciate the good later on.

To cut a long story short, I have a PS2 (still a great console in my opinion) and I put it into my bedroom yesterday so that I can use it during the summer holidays. It turns out I had forgotten about the amount of noise/vibrations it makes from the disc (that's what you get for playing just PS4 for the past 2 years).

Well, my dad was sitting downstairs and the vibrations were travelling through my desk and through the floor to the living room and the noise was apparently such a shock to him it caused him to have a small amount of panic as he couldn't work out what was happening.

My mum (e.g. my guardian angel at times) managed to calm him down after around 10 minutes but this is a perfect example of just how much mental health can have an effect on a family, and I'm talking about what happened after she calmed down my dad.

You see, my mum is one of those people that often looks on the negative side, and so do I; that's what an anxiety disorder can do to you, make you think the worse even when it has no chance of happening.

My mum has always worried how much my dad's actions (due to his mental health problems) and since I was born has tried to hide me from them, but as I have gotten older and developed mental health problems of my own, it has been harder for her hide it from me and I have now become the one attempting to hide stuff from my mum, but not from my dad's actions, but from my own, from not telling everyone how I feel and hiding it all inside of me to crying into a pillow in my room in an attempt to hide the sounds and not cause any panic for anyone else. I know this isn't healthy for my anxiety but I really am trying my best to stop, I'm just taking it one day at a time.

It has been known by everyone that my personality is pretty much identical to my dad's which in some cases is great; I mean come on, my dad is a member of MENSA and is a great mathematician. Then we have the ugly side, the fact that we both feel like we have to be the strong ones in others lives and so we bottle up everything until it all comes out in one go and ends up causing more problems. My dad has one more obstacle though; he is a type 2 diabetic and tonight his blood sugar got far too low (down to 4) and this can cause anxious behaviour which isn't great if you already have anxiety.

The end to this story is a good one though; everyone in the house is happy now and a set of vibration absorbing pads have been ordered and should be here soon so yay!!

If I'm 100% honest, this is the mildest thing that has happened in regards to my family's mental health problems in the past 5-6 years, but I don't feel ready to detail anything else yet. To anyone else out there in a similar situation, I urge you to go and ask for help and don't think of it as being weak, if anything it makes you stronger because you recognise the fact that there is a problem and that you're willing to fix it. I can say from personal experience that if you are in the UK, go to MIND , you can find them online and have places across the country where you can go either by yourself or with your family. 

I'm hoping that my next post will be a much more positive one, until next time, Abbie xx


Comments

  1. Hi Abigail!
    This post is written so nicely! I feel like you are a friend talking to me about these issues, and I feel that its terrific you are getting your voice out there! It may take time for you to open up more but this post is already golden. Keep up the enlightening work!
    Merrymaid x

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