Abigail's Anxieties

Yeah, I'm 21 and use a walking stick. So what?
When you think of the usual person that uses a walking stick on a daily bases, I don't think that a 21-year-old university student who dresses in vintage style clothing is the first image that comes to mind.

But it doesn't have to be, because I have in fact put that image just below for you.




Here's the thing, for me, using a walking stick is part of my daily life,
You see, I'm currently in the process of being diagnosed with fibromyalgia (in fact as I write this, I'm just over a week away from going to a rheumatology appointment to have some tests done to hopefully get a definitive diagnosis so I finally know what's going on) and my god do I have a lot of pain.
My pain is all over my body but the number of intense pain points I have in my body is, in my opinion, stupid. Let's go through the list shall we:
-neck -spine -right shoulder joint -left wrist (thank god I'm right-handed) -lower back -both hips -the entiret…

2018: somehow the best and the worst year of my life.
But Abbie, how can something be both the best and the worst?
Well, let's just say that 2018 wasn't exactly a quiet year in my life.
(and it doesn't look like it's going to be much quieter at the end, seeing that as I'm writing this I'm stuck in bed with the worst cold I've had in years, coughing my lungs up, wishing for my eyes to pop out to relieve the pressure behind them...little TMI? Oh...okay...note to self; don't talk about eyes popping out of skulls or lungs being coughed up too much...anyway!)
In January of 2018, I decided that it was finally time to explore my love of vintage fashion (that of the 1940's and 1950's) and well, it ended up taking over my entire wardrobe. Now in my local town and at university known as the girl that can always be seen in vintage clothing, making me easy to spot and often taking up a lot of room on public transport due to my love of giant petticoats (sorry to…

Dear world, 
please believe me when I tell you I'm ill.
I know, I know.
Looking at me from the outside I look like a relatively healthy 20-year-old woman.
I don't look particularly overweight, I'm taller than the average woman but nothing too notable. 
But what I need you to understand, world, is that what you see is a one-second snapshot of my life. 
What you don't see is the confusion, the anxiety, the lack of motivation, the lack of emotion and the stress in my brain. 
You don't see the night before where I was lying in bed wondering if it was worth getting up the next day just to go back to bed, to get up again, to go to bed again... 
You don't see just how many thoughts are going through my head at any one time. 
You don't see me crying, holding myself and sometimes unable to make a single noise as I try to understand what is going on around me while whatever is around me is making no effort to try and understand me. 
What you do see in that one second is someon…

My new curly hair routine for 3A/3B curls
So over a year ago, I did a post all about my hair care routine and explained how having good hair seemed to help me with my depression by lifting my spirits. Well since then I've done a heck of a lot of research into the best ways to care for curly hair as well as trying a few different techniques.
Now along the way, there was lots of frizz, lots of knots but in the end, lots of good results.
So I thought I'd share this new routine with all my curly haired friends out there and those who are intrigued by curly hair, which to be honest seems to be everyone in my life who doesn't have it.
I mean, I even have complete strangers sometimes come to look and even try to touch my hair.
No, not weird at all, go ahead random person I don't know, attempt to run your hand through my impossibly thick hair while knotting it up in the process.
Just....just no.  
Now, just a couple of things before I start with the routine itself. 
1) You ar…

Dear body, why are you working against me?
Do you ever feel like something or someone is working against you? Like it/they don't want you to do well or succeed in life? And that it/they will do anything to get in your way?
Well, I feel like that right now. And this thing that's getting in my way? My own body.
It started when I was diagnosed as asthmatic which affects me a lot with physical exercise e.g. walking around and extream weather such as very hot and very cold affect my breathing so I have to use my inhaler but I've had it for so long I'm used to it.
Then October 2017 happened and I developed costochondritis which I still have to this day. Most cases sort themselves out in less than a year or at least improved. My case has gotten worse over the past near year and my day-to-day life is affected.
I have to take multiple breaks during the day just to give my body a chance to recover. I have to use so much more energy just to get through the pain of the day meaning I…

I've finally realised it, I need to make some lifestyle changes
All my life I thought that I was being healthy, making the right choices for my body and my life. 
And for a while they did seems like the right choices. Although I didn't realise it, I was lucky that I had very few medical problems, my "puppy fat" from my younger years just fell off without me trying and I had clear skin. 
But over the past couple of years, my luck has been slowly running out and know it looks like I'm now actually going to have to work towards getting back what was once my "normal" body.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm fairly happy with how my body looks now but the extra weight has decided to all just collect around my stomach which could really cause problems for my health in the future. 
You see, those with excess fat around the stomach area are more likely to develop type 2 diabetes and heart disease in the future and considering that diabetes run in my family it's…