I want to get back to writing, but I'm not going to lie...I'm scared

 As the title would suggest, I want to get back to writing. It’s been a good while since I’ve posted anything on here and in that time so, so much has happened, I don’t want to get too much into all that stuff just yet, that’s something for the future. Let’s just say that one of the simpler things that has happened is that as of October 2022, I’m now down a gallbladder.

What I’m trying to say is that the last few years of my life have been.. a lot and very much out of my control. So it was during one of the times I was yet again frozen with anxiety that I remembered my little corner of the internet over here.

Now the reason that I say I’m scared to come back to writing isn’t because of the actual writing itself, but I’m scared I’m not going to be able to hold myself to standards that my conscious mind knows are not obtainable, but somewhere in the back of my unconscious mind, there’s still a small part of it that believes it should be possible despite all the obstacles in my way.

It was never my plan to leave for so long, or to even leave in the first place, but I’m sure as many of you reading this realize, life very rarely goes to plan. I didn’t plan to have as many medical emergencies as I have had, nor did I plan to have a gallbladder removal, but these things happen, and I don’t have much of a choice but to keep moving forward.

I’m also learning that I need to be far kinder to myself, not in any particular area in my life but overall. I’ve been beating myself up for not writing on here for so, so long. But then I need to remember that I have been very ill for the past few years and that while I’m absolutely nowhere near 100% (and I most likely never will be, but that’s a story for another time), I have to take the good with the bad and recognise that I can’t change any of the now and all I can do is move forward and try my best.

There’s still a lot I’m learning, such as advocating for myself better in personal life experiences and in medical settings; especially the latter because boy oh boy do I have a story or two to tell you about those times one day.

But for now, as I’m looking to the future what can you expect to see on here. Well, the first thing I can say to not expect is consistency. As much as I love a good routine, the reality is that I have medical conditions that can fluctuate from day to day. If I’m being honest my body fluctuates so much I often find it changing hour-to-hour.

Let’s get back to something lighter though and go on to what can be expected. I’m giving myself the aim of writing here once a week. There may be times I’m up to more in which case I shall write more, but if I find myself having to miss a week here or there then so be it.

As for what I’ll be writing about, well in order to motivate myself to write I’m going to mainly write about what I’m feeling passionate be it the book I’m reading at the time that I want to give you my opinion on, a tale from my times in hospital, advice on living with physical and mental health conditions or just whatever I’m feeling at the time.

So that’s it for now I think, if anyone can think of anything else I could write about please feel free to let me know in the comments.

Until next time, Abigail x