When you feel like you're wearing a mask...

When you feel like you're wearing a mask...

First things first: depression sucks. Like really, really sucks.

It can strike at any moment, it doesn't care what you need to do or what your social plans are. It's selfish and only cares about making its presence known. 

The trouble is that while some employers/education centres/friends/family are starting to become more understanding when it comes to mental health problems, the majority of them still aren't and you somehow find yourself forcing yourself going through your everyday life as if nothing is wrong when on the inside you have no emotion whatsoever. 

And that's when you have to choose which mask you're going to wear that day. 

Are you going to wear your sad mask, you know, the one that people think depression really is? This might make your depression seem more believable to those around you so they finally believe that there is something rather than it just being a case of needing to cheer up and look on the bright side;. But then again, if you look sad chances are that you'll just be told to cheer up and look on the bright side and that this will somehow be the magical fix to everything that is going on in your mind.

So no, maybe not the sad mask. 

How about the happy mask, when you pretend that everything is okay? It will surely avoid any awkward questions about why you're feeling "sad" (or let's be honest feeling nothing) and everything might seem normal. This brings up its own set of problems, pretending to be happy all day is going to be exhausting and it'll just make you want to crawl back into bed quicker than ever. And what if you go overboard with the happy and you end up just weirding out everyone around you, drawing attention to yourself which is the last thing you want. 

I mean, wearing this mask is all about trying to hide your depression so no-one notices it, so you don't seem "different", so you don't draw attention to yourself, so you can just get on with your day until that glorious time you can get home, remove the mask and do what it is you need to do for yourself. 

Be it sitting in front of the TV for hours on end to see if there is anything that can stir any emotion in you (drama, comedy, there are so many genres out there to try), lie in bed until you get to sleep which yes may take sometime but sometimes it can shock you just what good a sleep can do for you. Or be it going out for a walk or to do some exercise in an effort to get some endorphins going around your body to try and get a real happy mood going. 

So maybe not the happy mask either.

What mask do you go with then? There aren't really any other emotions that would stop people from asking you what's wrong or that would stop any attention being drawn to yourself. Angry? No, too loud. Suprise? No, although it's a surprise you've managed to leave the house today you don't want others to know that. Disgust? Fear? Joy? no, no, no, nO, NO!!! None of these are going to work. 

But then what is going to work? Is anything ever going to work? Maybe you need to talk to someone about this? But are they really going to understand? I mean, it's something that's hard to explain or understand without going through it personally. 

Maybe, just maybe though, others will start to understand exactly what you're going through if you stop wearing the masks. Let them see the real you, the real side, the real face of depression. 

Maybe it'll start a conversation about the real truth behind mental health problems and what others can do to help those who have them. 

Maybe others are willing to learn strategies and techniques that help you such as just letting you vent all your thoughts onto them, not asking too many questions about what's going on in your head and letting you talk about it when your ready and knowing that sometimes you just need to be alone for some time while you work out what is going on inside your head.

Maybe it's time to lose the masks and instead help the population gain an understanding of what depression is really like, help lose the stigma that comes with it and maybe, just maybe help each other learn that even though it may not seem like it now, things can, and will, get better.