Abigail's Anxieties

Don't worry, I'm still here! Don't worry everyone, I'm still here, I'm still alive, it's just the case that the last year of my life has been rather action-packed and some things, unfortunately, had to go on the back-burner- including Abigail's Anxieties.    In the past year, I've been finishing my BSc (Hons) Food Development and Innovation degree, helping my family care for a member of the family who's had major surgery, dealing with my fibromyalgia that has been getting worse, dealing with many costochondritis flare-ups. Oh, and dealing with the multitude of changes that have come with this global pandemic while being an "at-risk" person living with another at-risk person. So you know...not much. In all seriousness, my family is starting to get into the swing of things with our "new normal" and having some adaptions in the house now that make life easier. In terms of my fibromyalgia, well it's affected my mobility with extre...

Feeling guilty for being chronically ill... But should I be? So in case you're new to this blog, I'm chronically ill in a few ways. A full list of medical conditions is as follows: Generalised anxiety disorder (GED) Moderate depression Asthma Fibromyalgia Costochondritis And unfortunately having the mix of all of these means that there are and many things I'm unable to do, not only for myself but for others around me. For example, I would often like to be able to carry things for my mum, but because of my fibromyalgia, I can't carry much with the pain in my back, shoulders and arms. I'm always being told it's okay that I can't do things like that, but it still doesn't suppress the guilt in me, especially when I see people struggling with something. As I write this, I'm in the tail end of a fibromyalgia and costochondritis flare-up. 24 hours ago I was in such pain that I just wanted to, unfortunately, end it all. I was also bu...

I'm on medication for my mental health, should I tell people? Now the answer to this question is obviously going to be different for each person. Some will say "I have nothing to hide, I'm happy for people to know" while others may say "I don't want to be judged for it, I'd rather not have people know", And honestly, when I first went onto my mental health medication, my answer to this question was a mix of both these answers.  It almost ended up sounding more like this: "I don't want to hide the fact that I'm on medication, but I am quite young so am I going to be judged for it? Is there even a good age to go on medication for mental health? But I don't feel like this is something I can keep to myself so I need to decide who to tell. How many people do I want to know?" and so on and so on... Many of you may be going through the same thing right now, some may just be interested in what can go through the process...

Dear body, why are you working against me? Do you ever feel like something or someone is working against you? Like it/they don't want you to do well or succeed in life? And that it/they will do anything to get in your way? Well, I feel like that right now. And this thing that's getting in my way? My own body. It started when I was diagnosed as asthmatic  which affects me a lot with physical exercise e.g. walking around and extream weather such as very hot and very cold affect my breathing so I have to use my inhaler but I've had it for so long I'm used to it. Then October 2017 happened and I developed costochondritis which I still have to this day. Most cases sort themselves out in less than a year or at least improved. My case has gotten worse over the past near year and my day-to-day life is affected. I have to take multiple breaks during the day just to give my body a chance to recover. I have to use so much more energy just to get through the pa...

I've finally realised it, I need to make some lifestyle changes All my life I thought that I was being healthy, making the right choices for my body and my life.  And for a while they did seems like the right choices. Although I didn't realise it, I was lucky that I had very few medical problems, my "puppy fat" from my younger years just fell off without me trying and I had clear skin.  But over the past couple of years, my luck has been slowly running out and know it looks like I'm now actually going to have to work towards getting back what was once my "normal" body. Now don't get me wrong, I'm fairly happy with how my body looks now but the extra weight has decided to all just collect around my stomach which could really cause problems for my health in the future.  You see, those with excess fat around the stomach area are more likely to develop type 2 diabetes and heart disease in the future and considering that diab...

My "emergency" kit I have to get me through life So a large part of my anxiety is being surprised by unpleasant situations and that if something goes wrong there is nothing I can do about it.  And when I say emergency I'm not talking about "oh my, someone needs first aid for a broken bone" emergency (however I am looking into doing a first aid course, you know, just in case) but more of a "oh my, my period started unexpectedly" which unfortunately happens far too often for me (ladies, I know some of you can understand me) or "I suddenly have a headache and need some painkillers to get through the rest of the day" which tend to pop up in my life more often then I would like. After being surprised and made anxious one too many times, I decided that enough was enough and that I needed to always have items with me to make sure that no incontinent situation would ever get the best of me again!  With that in mind, I made a list of ...

My my, I really need to stop doing this, don't I? Why have I been away for a long time...Again... I'm just a girl, sitting in front of her laptop screen, asking you to forgive her for not updating her blog for a long while.  But on a serious note I really am sorry for not writing on here for a long time, but between university, poor mental health, poor physical health and life in general, I'm surprised I even managed to find time to sit and eat (kind of ironic in some ways seeing as I study food at university). But anyway, I'm back now, I'm finding ways to manage my time and in general myself better so I can talk more and write more for all of you lovely people out there.  I won't go into details as to what has been happening since I've been gone, I'd rather look forward than backwards (but if you have any burning questions then feel free to and I'll answer them the best I can) so I suppose this was just a quick update to tell you ...

When you feel like you're wearing a mask... First things first: depression sucks. Like really, really sucks. It can strike at any moment, it doesn't care what you need to do or what your social plans are. It's selfish and only cares about making its presence known.  The trouble is that while some employers/education centres/friends/family are starting to become more understanding when it comes to mental health problems, the majority of them still aren't and you somehow find yourself forcing yourself going through your everyday life as if nothing is wrong when on the inside you have no emotion whatsoever.  And that's when you have to choose which mask you're going to wear that day.  Are you going to wear your sad mask, you know, the one that people think depression really is? This might make your depression seem more believable to those around you so they finally believe that there is something rather than it just being a case of needing ...

Why am I doing (and finishing) my Christmas shopping in early November? Now some of you are probably already screaming at the title of this post and are probably considering doing one of two things: 1) clicking away because you don't think you can even begin to understand why someone would even want to be thinking about finishing their Christmas shopping in early November or 2) reading this whole post because you want to understand why on earth someone would be thinking a bit finishing their Christmas shopping in early November. Well if you fall into the number 2 group then settle down and enter my (extremely early) winter wonderland of "Christmas in early November" (insert Christmas music and all that jazz here) Number 1: crowds Now as someone with an anxiety disorder, I'm not good at dealing with large crowds at the best of times, but when it gets to the Christmas season shopping centres seem to turn into a scene from any dead rising game. It...