Abigail's Anxieties

Don't worry, I'm still here! Don't worry everyone, I'm still here, I'm still alive, it's just the case that the last year of my life has been rather action-packed and some things, unfortunately, had to go on the back-burner- including Abigail's Anxieties.    In the past year, I've been finishing my BSc (Hons) Food Development and Innovation degree, helping my family care for a member of the family who's had major surgery, dealing with my fibromyalgia that has been getting worse, dealing with many costochondritis flare-ups. Oh, and dealing with the multitude of changes that have come with this global pandemic while being an "at-risk" person living with another at-risk person. So you know...not much. In all seriousness, my family is starting to get into the swing of things with our "new normal" and having some adaptions in the house now that make life easier. In terms of my fibromyalgia, well it's affected my mobility with extre...

Feeling guilty for being chronically ill... But should I be? So in case you're new to this blog, I'm chronically ill in a few ways. A full list of medical conditions is as follows: Generalised anxiety disorder (GED) Moderate depression Asthma Fibromyalgia Costochondritis And unfortunately having the mix of all of these means that there are and many things I'm unable to do, not only for myself but for others around me. For example, I would often like to be able to carry things for my mum, but because of my fibromyalgia, I can't carry much with the pain in my back, shoulders and arms. I'm always being told it's okay that I can't do things like that, but it still doesn't suppress the guilt in me, especially when I see people struggling with something. As I write this, I'm in the tail end of a fibromyalgia and costochondritis flare-up. 24 hours ago I was in such pain that I just wanted to, unfortunately, end it all. I was also bu...

My new curly hair routine for 3A/3B curls So over a year ago, I did a post all about my  hair care routine  and explained how having good hair seemed to help me with my depression by lifting my spirits. Well since then I've done a heck of a lot of research into the best ways to care for curly hair as well as trying a few different techniques. Now along the way, there was lots of frizz, lots of knots but in the end, lots of good results. So I thought I'd share this new routine with all my curly haired friends out there and those who are intrigued by curly hair, which to be honest seems to be everyone in my life who doesn't have it. I mean, I even have complete strangers sometimes come to look and even try to touch my hair. No, not weird at all, go ahead random person I don't know, attempt to run your hand through my impossibly thick hair while knotting it up in the process. Just....just no.   Now, just a couple of things bef...

Dear body, why are you working against me? Do you ever feel like something or someone is working against you? Like it/they don't want you to do well or succeed in life? And that it/they will do anything to get in your way? Well, I feel like that right now. And this thing that's getting in my way? My own body. It started when I was diagnosed as asthmatic  which affects me a lot with physical exercise e.g. walking around and extream weather such as very hot and very cold affect my breathing so I have to use my inhaler but I've had it for so long I'm used to it. Then October 2017 happened and I developed costochondritis which I still have to this day. Most cases sort themselves out in less than a year or at least improved. My case has gotten worse over the past near year and my day-to-day life is affected. I have to take multiple breaks during the day just to give my body a chance to recover. I have to use so much more energy just to get through the pa...

I've finally realised it, I need to make some lifestyle changes All my life I thought that I was being healthy, making the right choices for my body and my life.  And for a while they did seems like the right choices. Although I didn't realise it, I was lucky that I had very few medical problems, my "puppy fat" from my younger years just fell off without me trying and I had clear skin.  But over the past couple of years, my luck has been slowly running out and know it looks like I'm now actually going to have to work towards getting back what was once my "normal" body. Now don't get me wrong, I'm fairly happy with how my body looks now but the extra weight has decided to all just collect around my stomach which could really cause problems for my health in the future.  You see, those with excess fat around the stomach area are more likely to develop type 2 diabetes and heart disease in the future and considering that diab...

Coping with exams when you have mental health problems. So I've just completed my first year at university, YAY!!! (insert applause here) and as part of finishing my first year I had to do one of my worst nightmares: sit an exam, dun dun dunnnn!!! Now I have never, ever, EVER liked exams and I want to say to those who do enjoy exams, please teach me your ways. Anyway, while others who don't like exams may just feel a little nervous and unprepared when going in, when you have mental health problems the situation can be very different. In my own personal experience, I can have studied as much as humanly possible, practised as many questions I could get my hands on and watched as many educational youtube videos that I could stay awake for but in the end, my anxiety will provide that nasty little voice in my head telling me that I know nothing and that I've already failed the exam so what is the point of even sitting it. Then my depression decides to join the p...

My my, I really need to stop doing this, don't I? Why have I been away for a long time...Again... I'm just a girl, sitting in front of her laptop screen, asking you to forgive her for not updating her blog for a long while.  But on a serious note I really am sorry for not writing on here for a long time, but between university, poor mental health, poor physical health and life in general, I'm surprised I even managed to find time to sit and eat (kind of ironic in some ways seeing as I study food at university). But anyway, I'm back now, I'm finding ways to manage my time and in general myself better so I can talk more and write more for all of you lovely people out there.  I won't go into details as to what has been happening since I've been gone, I'd rather look forward than backwards (but if you have any burning questions then feel free to and I'll answer them the best I can) so I suppose this was just a quick update to tell you ...

When you feel like you're wearing a mask... First things first: depression sucks. Like really, really sucks. It can strike at any moment, it doesn't care what you need to do or what your social plans are. It's selfish and only cares about making its presence known.  The trouble is that while some employers/education centres/friends/family are starting to become more understanding when it comes to mental health problems, the majority of them still aren't and you somehow find yourself forcing yourself going through your everyday life as if nothing is wrong when on the inside you have no emotion whatsoever.  And that's when you have to choose which mask you're going to wear that day.  Are you going to wear your sad mask, you know, the one that people think depression really is? This might make your depression seem more believable to those around you so they finally believe that there is something rather than it just being a case of needing ...

3 reasons that I love musicals so very, very much  As you may have guessed from a number of music puns I have made in the past, I really love my music but my favourite type of music is that that comes from the stage.  That's right, I'm talking about MUSICALS (insert jazz hands here). In this post, I'm going to break down the 3 reasons why I love musicals so very, very much, what some of my favourite musicals are and how they have surprisingly helped me in my quest to improve my mental health. So, let's say "hello" to all the reasons I love musicals (but my name certainly isn't elder price).  1. My grandma. Very early on in my life (around the age of 4/5) my grandma was always showing me programs from the musicals she was performing in her early 20's (I think it was around the early 1960's) and about how much she loved it. Unfortunately she was forced to stop once she married my Grandad and became pregnant with my aunt and e...

So yeah, where exactly have you been Abbie? An explanation explaining my absence  So yeah, I've been gone for a while, much longer than I was planning to be gone but gone none the less. So why was I away for so long? Where was I? What was happening? Well the answer to these questions are the same thing: A sever episode in my depression and anxiety disorder. You see, it's been a stressful time in my life recently what with getting my exam results, finding out if I got into university or not, starting to feel less and less confident in my own life decisions and this lead to me entering my "episode" as we'll call it. I was stuck in a vicious cycle. My anxiety was convincing my brain that I had failed my exams, and that made my depression kick in and say "well if you have failed, what's the point of getting up and doing anything? The past 3 years at college have been a waste of your life so you might as well rest the waste of it" ...