Dear world, please believe me when I tell you I'm ill...

Dear world, 

please believe me when I tell you I'm ill.

I know, I know.

Looking at me from the outside I look like a relatively healthy 20-year-old woman.

I don't look particularly overweight, I'm taller than the average woman but nothing too notable. 

But what I need you to understand, world, is that what you see is a one-second snapshot of my life. 

What you don't see is the confusion, the anxiety, the lack of motivation, the lack of emotion and the stress in my brain. 

You don't see the night before where I was lying in bed wondering if it was worth getting up the next day just to go back to bed, to get up again, to go to bed again... 

You don't see just how many thoughts are going through my head at any one time. 

You don't see me crying, holding myself and sometimes unable to make a single noise as I try to understand what is going on around me while whatever is around me is making no effort to try and understand me. 

What you do see in that one second is someone who is "overreacting" to the situation. 

You see someone who just needs to "get on with it" and "try to be happy". 

You see someone who "isn't really ill".

Then there's trying to navigate around you world, and trying to get you to understand not every physical disability is obvious. 

There are many ways to be disabled, and so many of those ways aren't visible. 

Like I said before, you see a relatively healthy 20-year-old woman. 

You don't see the severe skeletal and muscular damage in my chest. 

You don't see the doctors appointments where they're trying to work out what exactly can be done to manage my pain. 

You don't see the nights after a long day when I'm crying because my pain is so bad I don't know what to do other than cry as my family, boyfriend and friends look on, wanting to help but there isn't anything they can do. 

You don't see the pain in their faces as they have to sit there seeing me rolling around in physical pain where all they can do is wait for it to ease a little before comforting me, making me feel better and supported as I go through life like this. 

You see someone who should really be using the stairs and letting those who aren't just lazy use the lift. 

You see someone who should just take a couple of painkillers and get on with the day. 

You see someone who's pain is apparently "all in their head" and that they are exaggerating it. 

Well world, no it isn't. 

None of your assumptions about me are true. 

There is only so much you can see in a one-second snapshot. 

You see one second of the whole 20 years of my life. 

I just want to be understood. 

For people to see that in order to get around you world, I'm going to need a little extra help. 

I might need to sit in that seat because standing hurts and if I do it I'll be in pain for hours afterwards. 

I might need you to slow down when you communicate with me so I can process what's happening. 

I might need you to realise that I need to rest and save energy so I can get things done tomorrow. 

I might need you to see that I'm not sure why I feel so down, so I don't have a way to make myself happy. 

But world, it's not just me wanting to let you know that I want to be believed when I say I'm ill.

So many of us are mentally ill, physically ill and in many cases both.

And sure, the illnesses cannot be seen.

But should that make them any less valid? 

So, dear world.

Please believe me when I tell you I'm ill...